Well, well, look who’s back. That sounds like a Gossip Girl intro or something haha, or maybe not cause I haven’t watched that show in ten years (wow I’m old). But for real, I been gone way to long. I was busy for a while writing my thesis, which by the way never finished, but that’s a really long and complicated issue to adress here, or anywhere to be honest.
Anyway, today I just feel like writing about something that is been in my head for a while, sometimes tormenting me and making me feel insecure, and others giving me the motivation to search for new interests and challenge myself.
So the thing is that for a few months I been thinking about who I am and what am I doing with my life, what steps lead me to where I am right now, what course is my life supoused to take in concordance with that, and (probably the scariest part of all) what is that people expect of me. I realized then, that I’m not happy with the way I’m living my life, the goals I’m aiming for are not the goals that I really want, but more like the goals other people want for me. I feel like I’m wasting my time when I could be using it for learning new things that could actually give me joy.
An episode at the end of last year made me realized that life is short and it can end for any of us at any second. I don’t want to sound nihilist but that’s just a fact people. So how do I want to be rembered when I died? Like someone who didn’t enjoy her life but played it safe and still kept going just to satisfy other people? Or like someone who’s life faced complications and challenges but still lived to the fullest doing things she enjoyed? The second option has been tempting me for way to long now.
Coincidently this new view of my life comes pretty close to the start of the year, but life souldn’t be based in the ”new year, new me” cliché, we should all be able to start living the life we want whenever we want, take risks, discover new options. I’m trying to be brave enough to face the changes and live the life I want to live fighting for my own goals, so I encourage all of you who feel the same way, a little lost, insecure about your future and where should you go from now, to do the same. Let’s be brave 😊